It's very difficult for me to cheer myself up.

Life at the moment is hard. Waking up everyday at 7:15, and only going to bed around midnight, with little to no time to myself. The stress of impending exams, a long commute, and numerous personal issues make it so that I find life difficult at the moment.

Today, feeling tired and drained, I wanted to take some time to myself. Little did I know that I would just end up being talked about on the train, which obviously would bring my mood down. To lift my spirits, I called the one person I thought could cheer me up, but in the end it just ended up hammering the nails in my coffin of moodiness.

I wanted to write about something happy, about my views on inner beauty and the importance of valuing yourself and others by the love in their heart.

I wanted to write about the need to rid oneself of the pangs of jealousy or envy we often have when vying other people's achievements. I wanted to talk about my own desires to cope with these feelings.

I wanted to write about how to cheer myself on, I will create a song and sing it in the street, out loud, as others walk by staring at me, or about how I try to study regardless of the circumstances, and I recite out loud on my own in public. I wanted to talk about how I try not to care.

But in the end, I cannot lie to myself. I do care. And by lying to myself, I just deepen the already all too present cuts. So instead of writing, I shall go to bed and bid you all goodnight.

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